You’re probably thinking one of three things.
1. When do you ever have anything interesting to say, Patrick? You’re mostly awful and annoying. You really should think about coming to terms with that. Do us a favor. Also, stop posting so many Facebook statuses. And just because you have a Twitter account now doesn’t give you the right to flood other innocent people’s feeds with obnoxious statements. We don’t need to know every time your neighbor’s chickens go yumpy when the wind blows.
2. So, if you don’t have anything interesting to say, why are you saying anything at all? It’s pretty simple. Stop talking.
3. Even though you don’t have anything interesting to say, I somehow think this will still be interesting. More interesting than me doing nothing, anyway. If I had something to do I’d probably do that instead. But I don’t. So I’m reading this.
I think my ability to be honest with myself makes me a happier person. Sometimes. I also sometimes think about crying. So then I do. It helps me cope with how honest I am with myself. I have to blog today, though. Blogging is good. Blogging is fun. And to blog often is uhm.. makes for uh… ..makes for a good blogger! SO TODAY I BLOG.
Anyway, I think it’s important for everyone to know that my infatuation with Jim Halpert has just been taken to a whole new level. The other day I was asking myself: Would a wrist watch look good on me? My initial answer to that question was: No, Patrick. It won’t. You’re tall, awkward, and pasty white. Why would a wrist watch look good on you?
So I felt like crying for a little bit.
Then I googled “How to be like Jim Halpert”. I found an article on wikihow that would help me out. Here’s a few things it suggested:
1. Be clever and smart.
I’m sometimes clever and smart! Sometimes. Eh, not really.
2. Shake off insults.
I pride myself in my ability to not accept shit from people. I wait until I’m by myself to sulk in a puddle of my own tears.
3. If something doesn’t work out, never give up.
I’m currently working on this. Currently, it’s working in my favor. You know who you are.
4. Always be the guy who is laid-back, friendly, humorous, sly and always good looking.
I’m pretty laid back. As in I didn’t get out of bed until noon today. CHECK. I’m very friendly. CHECK. Humorous? A work in progress. HALF CHECK. Sly? Definitely not. NO CHECK. Always good looking? Uhm. Definitely not always. I’ll settle with sometimes sort-of good looking. SORT OF CHECK.
5. Always wear a wrist watch.
I’ve already decided that I’m not attractive enough for a wrist watch, but Jim Halpert is also tall and white (although perfect) so that was enough for me to justify googling the exact wrist watch that Jim Halpert wears on The Office. Victorinox Swiss Army Infantry #24654. I got very excited. However, it was a $350 dollar watch. So then I got sort of depressed.
UNTIL I FOUND A USED ONE FOR $50 DOLLARS ON AMAZON.
Hey, thanks Amazon.
Also, thanks mellow_melly for selling such a great watch for such a super price. Thanks a heap!
So you can bet I bought that watch. And it looks GUD.
So, now that I’m done talking about that I’m not quite sure what to talk about now.
Except Shannon texted me last night to tell me that her night class’s room smelled like a cat had exploded in it. I thought that was pretty funny.
Also, a while back I was in class and got “Polenta”, the tasty grainy-mush dish, confused with “Placenta”, the sack of goo located in a pregnant woman’s womb.
The conversation went as such:
Me: “Oh, you’re going to Texas Culinary Academy? My sister went there!”
Classmate: “Really? What kind of stuff is she doing now?”
Me: “She’s a pastry chef. Makes a mean lemon-blueberry scone. And cake balls. She’s just a really good pasty chef.”
Classmate: “Yeah, I’m not sure what I want to do exactly. Right now I’m just trying a lot of new things.”
Me: “Ah, I gotcha. There are some things I’d like to try. I always see people on cooking shows talking about placenta. I’d like to try placenta. Have you had it before?”
Classmate: “Wait.. Did you say…?”
Three other classmates: “OMG, what!?”
That was fun. Speaking of goo, upon pouring some milk into my bowl of Kashi cereal just now, I was saddened to find a white-phlegm looking substance slathered over the top of my crunchy clusters.
Sure enough, the milk expired the day before Halloween.
I’m not sure what to eat now.
Before I go, I want everyone to know that I’m writing this in Nichole’s attic. It’s messy up here.
*Originally written & posted on November 9th, 2011